While reading a fanfiction, moments ago, I was nearly overcome by the most terrible fear I've felt.
The fanfiction itself is a hypothetical about if Arthas were to capture Jaina. So far, he has her in a cell, taunting her with memories of what they had. After agonizing words, he says,
“Brave words,” he repeated with a sneer. Then his stance softened, and resting a hand against the wall he leaned to the side. “So,” he began in a ridiculously conversational tone, “how’ve you been these past years, Jaina? It really has been too long.”
At that point, I was gripped with memories of Dereck. It sounded just like the type of jackass, insensitive sort of thing he would say in such a moment. I froze, then shrank away from my screen, staring at the words. I set my head in my hands. My eyes began to water.
But just then, I remembered what I had read on my calendar about the month of January: a time of looking forward, remembering past mistakes and learning from them, but not dwelling.
"Janus," I said, calling on the name of the two-faced Roman god of the new year.
My fear faded instantly. My eyes stopped watering. The heavy weight in my chest lifted.