Out of Exile

Heck, I feel like just posting nice pics for a while... I'm still messing with #11 anyways. So here's a nice pic of Tele and Xzorn that also made the bf say "KILL!!!!" That means it MUST be cute!
And I know "Out of Exile" is the name of AudioSlave's cd, but it was a fitting name. Plus I love Audioslave... Mmm...


Shit I should probably say

K then. Where to start... Well, first, the reason I'm even posting something like this is because I'm trying to figure it out still for myself. And it is a bit to figure out.

Alright, know how my profile says everyone thinks I'm crazy? That's what psychiatrists say. And this is an issue I think the medical community (conformity committee, in this case -.-#) needs to look closer into: What is the difference between mental disorder and a different way of thinking? I'd say they're blurring the line too far: partly because I haven't been off "medicine" since 3rd grade. It's always been either concentration medicine (Adderall, Strattera, Ritalin, all of which I have been prescribed), anti-depressants (Effexxor, which I'm not sure of how to spell, Wellbutrin, Zoloft), or at one point an anti-depressant that doubles as a sleep aid, which made my heart rate rise to 200 bpm during gym class. There are more of the anti-depressants, but I can't remember what they're called. I have had 3 psychiatrists: one in my home town, one down by Indy, and another up in Fort Wayne, kind of the big city for northeastern Indiana. Mum simply adores the one in Fort Wayne, since she says he's very good about prescriptions and trying new things when current methods aren't cutting it. He's also on TV. Aside from those, I've even had machine evaluations: yesterday I took a test on a computer in Fort Wayne, which was a series of problems like memory, organization, and quick response. As a matter of fact, the first part of the test was to see how fast I could tap the space bar. Very redundant, very boring, and 45 minutes in a chilly office. Great way to spend a Thursday afternoon, right? So I've done all these things, and what have I been told about what my "disorder" is? Nothing. It sort of goes between ADD and ADHD, depending on who I'm talking to.

Now, though, I've demanded to be allowed to stop taking medicine. I'm allowed to, but I have to taper off the current dosage of what I'm on now (Wellbutrin, 450 fuckin milligrams per day) or else I'll become unstable and either go into a depression so bad I could commit suicide (as I'm told. I considered it a few times before, actually) or I'll get sick some other way. Point is, when you decide you don't want to take the pills anymore, you have to do it slowly. So I'm taking two for a week, then one for a week, then none at all. Why am I doing this? Why don't I just stick with what I'm doing and listen to the guys with the degrees? Because I hate the fact that I'm living on side effects. I hate the fact that I can't remember whether I'm an upbeat kind of person, a pessimist, an optimist, or just a neutral sort of personality. I don't know my personality. It's been changed too many times. And I can't remember what I was like before 3rd grade anyways, so that's out of the question.

Now, normally, I would keep this to myself. I would be thinking "Well, I don't want people to think I'm some mental patient with a head injury or any shit like that," but I've decided that's not going to solve anything. To get over something, especially for a girl, you have to vent. You just have to. You also have to decide whether your reputation is bad enough already that maybe putting something like this out in the open won't hurt you any. Because I know I have nowhere to go but up. My grades are shit, I don't like talking in public at ALL, and I look pissed off when I'm not. So, yeah, nowhere else to go. It always hurts to fall down again, but I think I'm pretty used to that. I'm used to my dad saying how pathetic I am, how I don't have a future if things keep going the way they are. I'm used to that. I'm used to hearing everyone who examines my head/personality/worth to society, whatever, say "Oh you're so bright, I'm just amazed. You're smart and creative, and ." If that's so, why do I fail so much?

I know I can only blame myself for how I am, but I'll be human and point the finger at something else. School. Standardized education. Standardized tests. Standards of perfection. Average grades. All these things that I can't get at. School seems to be, for me, at least, where someone can go to be told what all is wrong with them. You learn in school what sucks about you and how you should change it. Imagine that, someone telling you how to be acceptable. Seems a bit like trying to teach emotions. You should figure it out for yourself. But you can't tell anyone older than you, teachers, what's wrong about them. They don't like that... In fact, you can get in trouble for criticizing the way someone teaches. But enough on that. At school you can also learn what it's like to be dismissed by everyone else. Closed minds see you as wrong, since they don't understand what you're all about. I know it sounds so cliche to say "No one understands me," but I think I have the right to say that. I make a joke, no one gets it but the teacher. I suggest a good topic for a group project, everyone else wants to do something that requires the least amount of effort possible. See, I'm one of those who like to do a good job. If I'm interested, hell, I'll do an awesome job on it. Because of this mentality, I was the only one to get an A for a project in 7th grade. I wrote an essay about bullying, on a whim, and showed it to an English teacher. That essay is going to be in the literature of the oppressed class. I wrote a poem in the daybook. The teacher, a very, very, intelligent lady named Billy Kreigh, wanted a copy of it.

Note, this is taking FOREVER to type and think out since I have a splitting headache from trying to cleanse my blood of the drugs.

But, I do these things only once in a while. Most of the time, what the class is doing is something I have no interest in whatsoever. I don't "have any feelings" about the damn daybook excerpt, I don't give a damn about the color wheel, and I certainly don't think it matters whether I can or can't remember what shape the orbitals of electrons in an atom around the nucleus are. But those are standards that must be met, according to the board of education. I've got homework most of the time that my mother and father can't help me with because they never had to learn anything as complex or specialized when they were in school.

But that's all I have to say for now. My sister came home from college for the weekend, and she wants to use the internet.



I know, I know, I'm lazy...

The RP blog is finally being updated! Wow! Amazing that I even REMEMBER this stuff happening... Hehe... but I wrote it down as a script for a comic, so I think I'm good to go. >;D
Gotta say, though, that I think Avenn and I make a pretty damn good team; while I'm hopping mad, he's calm and willing to hold me down from running my hand straight through someone. (that is, by the way, my favorite attack >:D i'll have to draw that one sometime) And, as you'll see from the RP journal, he's pretty much my big bro. Though I didn't include it, while I was telling him about what this other guy Alrich was doing, he responded "*sigh* want big brother to come and save you?" to which I was happy to confirm. He also sends me a bunch of cool stuff, giving me most of my lvl 30 armor, actually. Sent me a helmet, among other things, which was nice since the [Silk Headband] just wasn't cutting it in the armor department. ~.~"


Whackjob #10

Keep in mind that Teleia has a reputation as a tough-as-nails chick that you don't want to mess with. This incident just went completely against all that. She seems to sense that she's out of options, so what else is there to do but run?


Whackjob #9

Whackjob #8

Al has kind of a temper...

Whackjob #7

You'll recognize the first panel, of course. On a side note, this is one of those comics that makes the bf say "KILL!!!!!!"

Whackjob #6

You likey colors? You think I lazy? Lazy, not all colors? Bite me. It'll be done eventually.
Just have faith...

Whackjob #5

I know the drawings aren't quite done in this one. I understand that.

Whackjob #4

I later asked Avenn where he got the popcorn. He had no idea. Worked well, though.


Whackjob #1

Page one! note that Hound is NOT Jorn, just another Hound with goggles.

World idiocy class

Now, I know some adults think the younger generation is a bunch of morons. They're right for the most part. One reason why? About all the people in my world history class thought the Middle East was in the middle of Asia, think Muslims follow the Muslim faith instead of Islam, and are just SO bored omg nothing happens in this class blah blah blah MORONS. Lemme tell you one thing: if people don't think something applies to them, they tend to think it's stupid. I know not ALL people think like this, but most of the time it seems to be this way. Morning announcements at my school are done on the tv, which everyone turns on to watch the announcements. (y'know, stuff like who beat who in sports, lunch, a word of the day, shit no one cares about) There's also a part at the end where someone says some "words of wisdom," explaining what they mean and how it applies to life. Once in a while, the wows are about bullying. This seems to be the thing EVERYONE blows off. Everyone, that is, except those who have been bullied at one time or another. "Why's he telling US this?! This is stupid! What's he even talking about?!" Those are the things you hear from the mouthy people who can't seem to think, so they must speak. These people are the ones who set you up to get you into trouble. There is very rarely physical torture around here: all mental. Think of it in a case like this: A gay guy is walking through the halls. Some jerks come up behind him and start bugging him about it. The guy keeps walking, thinking "Just ignore them, they're not worth the effort." The jerks keep at it. They keep at it. They keep at it--The gay guy loses control and lashes out at them, knowing how they won't listen to him if he talks to them, and he ends up hitting them. The next sound that's heard: "HE HIT ME!!" No questions asked about how badly the guys were harassing him. The gay guy made it physical. He's the one blamed, and the other guys are given a "warning." (blown off) What does the warning do? Nothing. Why should they care what they say to them? They got off without getting in trouble, like that mattered anyways. As far as they're concerned, the gay guy's a total fag and it doesn't matter what he says or thinks or believes. He's a GAY GUY. Is that a reason? Of course not. But this is how people are usually messed with. The instigators drive the victim to the boiling point, the point where the person just can't take it anymore, the point where instinct takes over and consequences be damned. It even happens online. I know this sounds like a dopey example, but it does. People are bothered enough that they finally tell the person to shut the fuck up, then they get reported for cussing. But that's just the way things work, isn't it? That's just the way things happen, isn't it? WHY? Because someone, a long time ago, decided it should be that way, probably since they were the ones who were pestering someone and didn't want to get in trouble. Think some rules need to change? Oh, yes. Definitely.


Noticed something

Noticed something about the entry "The comic and the lack of WoW." I mentioned I was working on another comic... yeah. That thing is never gonna see the internet. EVER. I played around with too many ridiculous ideas, and it made everyone look bad. True, it might have been a bit well-drawn. True, it might be interesting to some people. But trust me, there would be too many people wanting to kick my ass if I published that thing. So, uh... Forget that "Imagined RP" business ever happened...


Dumb and Dumber hounds

Dumb and dumber! Zalthos and Jorngen! Seems like you never see one without the other, so long as they're both in stormwind. I don't know if Zal's Jorn's sidekick or whatever, but it's pretty funny when they get into their little fights. ("Do this!" "Why?" "Just do it!" "But I don't want to." "Zal, drop and gimme 50!!")


Sick and tired as usual

As usual, I'm sick and tired of something. I recently went to see this lady named Joanie (dunno how to spell it) with my mother. We go to see her about every other Thursday to get "counseling" (more like a feminist rant session, really). I brought in some of my comics with me to show her some that I was particularly proud of. She looked at them, her jaw dropped, yadda yadda happens every time. (kind of sick of it) She told me how bright and smart I was and all this other shit that I personally can't believe for myself, and both her and mum said I was pretty (REALLY sick of that) which I staunchly disregarded. Always annoys me when people say that, and I don't care what reasons they might have to say that, I won't believe them. Everyone's confused, and always have been, about why my grades are so bad when teachers say, once again, how bright I am (god, getting sick of that, too) and how it doesn't make sense that my grades are being nailed to the floor with a six-inch spike. Some people might say I'm just bragging about how everyone's so goddamned impresed with me. I'm not. I'm saying I don't understand WHY they're impressed. Not much to any of this. I draw. I always have, always will, and I DIDN'T get someone to teach me. I don't like school. I think a bit more than most people in my grade. I pay attention to worldly things (like that oh-so-difficult question of where the middle east is--it's NOT the middle of asia) and I don't put up with other people's shit. (got enough of it already) So my problem is that I just don't get it. Someone, PLEASE, explain this whole thing to me. I'm totally lost.
Another thing I'm getting tired of is people asking why I haven't submitted my comics to the newspaper or the school paper. Answer: I have submitted some to the school paper, and they got rejected. I understand why they were rejected, though, so it's no big thing. Why I haven't submitted them to the newspaper, though, is a whole other reason: No one cares. If I did submit them, they might possibly run for a bit, but then people would either complain or the paper would decide they needed the room for something else. No one cares in a small town. These people wonder why the smart people leave, leaving the town with nothing but... I don't want to say this, but, stupid people. (they call it brain-draining. catchy -.-) It's no surprise no one wants to stay here in their right mind. If you have good ideas, they're probably against the church of A-holiness or whatever or the town just doesn't want to change. Big cities are the places the smart ones go, so there you have it. They should stop complaining about it, since it's not going to change as long as they don't want to change.
Yep. I'm fully vented now. Til later.



I'm gonna get in trouble with the bf for this one... but man, I felt like drawing something kind of moody, and this really worked.
And it is finished. It's not meant to be colored in. I'm surprised, though, that the ink shading worked...

Noticed something: most (damn school computer, half the keys don't work, i'm beating the keyboard to death) people don't understand what's going on. Ok, the guy with long hair is Xzorn, the one from the tiny boyfriend comic. The tall guy Tele's talking to is Nide, guild leader of Defias Bandits. He had a thing for her and she thought he was pretty cool, so that worked out. Trouble was, Xzorn had all this drama going on (he is quite the drama queen) about how HE liked Tele, too. So this is sort of playing on his (and i sound kind of cliche saying this) desire to be with her, but knowing he couldn't. That's the point of all the empty space by him. They have each other, he's got no one. (most girls he tried to go after killed him o.o")


Clingy... This happened not too long ago. I'm gonna post the rest of it in a bit, if my scanner stops bitching, so you'll see exactly why I'm drawing this. But one thing, it's been two times now that that guy's clung on me. See the gnome on Tele's leg? That's his alt, which he used to go after me after some rp had turned out badly for him. One of my fellow at school noted the gnome's position, and... well, he said it like this: "Looks like he's humpin' your leg!" God, I hope not...

Bad Words

Here's something I wrote for English class. It's something I believe is very true.

George Carlin became known as “that dirty comedian” mainly because of his use of “swear words.” But he had a point about those words: “There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions. And words!” I myself cannot figure out why some words are labeled as “bad,” while other words that mean the same thing are considered to be acceptable. Such as the word “darn.” It means the same exact thing as the word “damn,” with the same feeling and intention, but somehow has less of an effect. How can this be? To quote Carlin again, “The reason this is, is that a long time ago, certain ladies said ‘Those are the two I’m not going to say!’” So are our mothers the ones who decided these strange, contradictory rules of speech? One thing is for sure: our mothers (and fathers, occasionally) are trying to keep it that way.
Acceptable alternatives for children, as told by www.practicalparent.org.uk/swear.htm, are to say “I’m mad at you,” or “I disagree with you.” While these may make some people happy, I myself am offended by how these words are suppressed. Why are these words bad? I’ve tried to find the reason, but none of the people who are trying to stop these words from being said seem to know why the words should not be said. All that is said is how bad the words are. One thing that has been said is that swearing is “abrasive, lazy language.” Why are these words considered to be abrasive or lazy? Or how does swearing “contribute to the decline of civility”? This is all as stated by the Cuss Control Academy at http://www.cusscontrol.com/swearing.html. Yes, there is an organization dedicated to ending the use of these words. It cites the dirty words as displays of ignorance, disrespect, hostility, violence, and signs of a bad attitude, just to name a few. What surprises me the most is that there are people in this country that consider words to be one of the most important problems to curb and regulate. There are books about how to stop swearing, and can even be hired to help a client to stop swearing for $1,500 in the Chicago area and $2,500 plus expenses if travel is involved. $1,500 for a thirty-minute presentation about how to stop saying a handful of words. Strange? Yes, very strange. (source: http://www.cynical-c.com/archives/002884.html ) That man who performs that pricy presentation happens to be James V. O’Connor, president of the CCA. I tend to wonder if there is really any problem with the words at all. There must be, otherwise, there wouldn’t be any people helping other people “kick the habit” of swearing. There are other people starting to worry about swearing on the channels of Xbox Live. (source: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/showthread.php?t=464726 ) All these people are missing one important point: no one can control what other people say or do. To try and end swearing completely would be equivalent to trying to convert America to the SI measuring system. No one would want to change, and everyone would want to stay the way they are. True, some people wish they could stop swearing at least in front of their kids, but most do not find anything wrong with swearing casually.
All in all, there is not anything wrong with swearing unless someone has distaste for it. I, for one, believe swear words are just regular words that can convey emotions, describe how something happened, generalize on something someone cannot quite remember the name of, and maintain honesty in speech. So, these people who have decided to ban words from use for no reason have contributed to belittling those who use the words. The verdict: Swearing is acceptable!

Won't you agree?


"Release the FANBOYS!!"

Whoever made this, I give you props! (i have no idea where it came from, so i don't know who to cite, but thank you for this hilarious image :D ) I realized at one time that even if fanboy=annoying, there could also be fanboy=minion. More on that in a moment...
Well maybe not the next one, but you get it.

SI:7 Cyberz

Here's what happened: I was in Stormwind getting some training in SI:7 when I noticed some emotes... imagine. Ok anyways I got outta there and I put it on the general area chat that there were people cybering there in case they were going there, y'know, just to warn them. I was standing on a bridge that leads into the area with SI:7 (Old Town, y'know) and I suddenly see all these people, like 20 or so, riding by on their mounts into the area. About a minute later, two other people ran like hell outta there. I decided not to include those in this comic... Thought I wouldn't like drawing someone trying to get dressed while they run. O.O"
Oh, and I know it's not colored all the way. Bite me. It will be eventually, so just cool it.


In the rp, I did, in fact, end up slapping Elfangor. I forget what was even going on, but there you go. I wanted to practice drawing fight scenes, and slapping is an attack, so it counted. But I needed someone to be Teleia's target. Why, Elfy, of course!

Spontaneous Combustion

Might as well have blown up right then and there...


Tiny Xzorn!

I think it's very true. It'd be nice to have a tiny little boyfriend once in a while. ^.^ Kawaii.



And just what did that fanboy do? There you have it. Notice the placement of his right hand. That's what REALLY ticked me off.


Remember those fanboys I mentioned? This is what happens to them, RP or real life. MUAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

Let's start this off... This is one I drew up not too terribly long ago and colored with Prismacolor markers. (not the background, which is from Blizzard Entertainment o_o" don't kill me...) This never actually happened, but it'd be funny if it did. That's my character, Teleia, with the grey hair and the cowboy hat, messing with a bounty hunter named Elfangor. These are both characters from the online MMORPG World of Warcraft. I roleplay as a bandit/thief/looter/assassin, so I have a lot of fun messing with people... I don't do that in real life, but god, it makes some interesting situations, as you'll see. Just keep that in mind: female bandit. Key point...

The Daybook, the American Dream, and all those damned A-Holes

Just wondering, does anyone else in high school have to do the "Daybook of Critical Reading and Writing?" If so, tell me what you think. I'm gonna say what I think... First of all, the whole thing is like a sappy teacher asking you "How do you feel about this poem/essay/short story/excerpt?" which is VERY annoying. I've found, from my experience, anyways, that the only thing the students really want to do with the daybook ("gaybook" at my school") is burn it and dance around the fire. Or sell it to the underclassmen. Those are the only things we can seem to find that they're good for. I know there are some students who agree with the teachers in thinking that the daybook helps with reading and writing, but the majority (and this would normally have some meaning in a country focused on the majority opinion) think the daybook is a shitty pack of paper that has pictures gothic and emo people take when they try to be artistic and full of poems that are dumb/repetitive/boring/without meaning to students/... You know what I'm getting at. It's very annoying. And some teachers even hate it. Some wish it wasn't in the cirriculum. It also seems to be filled with those annoying "American dream" poems and stories. Listen, this so called dream seems to be to make money, have lots of stuff, and get everyone to like you. The daybook implies that it wants you to think for yourself. But at the same time, it brings all these almost propeganda-like things to your attention. Maybe it's just me because I live in rural Indiana (bomb it when I get out), but I usually try to get away from what the rest of the town thinks is important. Things like the "Jesus loves you" shit, the whole Apostolic (spelling? who cares) incestual church thing, and the sports that somehow make you more valuable than other human beings. Ah, for those of you that have never met the A-holes, their church doesn't marry outside itself. You have to marry someone either in the church or someone who joins the church. That means, in a small town with a relatively low population, the gene pool will get very small. There are lots of people here with mental handicaps, and the church has just seemed to realize "Hey, maybe we shouldn't marry our cousins..." So their solution is to import other A-holes from OTHER places so the gene pool will get a bit less cramped. It kinda sounds like dog breeding or cattle raising... Or those houses with too many cats and not enough money to get them fixed. Yeah. I live here. The other churches aren't that much better. My school (this comes from experience. 16 years worth of experience) is pretty much a christian school with a public school name. True story: I accidentally somehow let it slip that I'm not Christian. I even let it out that I don't go to church. Heaven forbid. Anyways, this one girl, apparently trying to be nice and friendly says "Hey, why don't you come to my church on Sunday!" Y'know, a kind invitation. I turned her down politely. She stared for a split second before saying "You're gonna go to hell if you don't..." I lost it. I told her to shut up you stupid bitch you shouldn't say things like that to people. Guess what. I got in trouble. Just because I was tired of getting bothered by the fundies (fundamentalists) to go to their damn churches and waste my sunday mornings and nights praying to be forgiven for all I was guilty of even before I was born. Not my idea of a way to spend any day of the week. I had asked the people at the office, one of the counselors, actually, to talk to that girl and tell her that I wasn't interested and she had no right or reason to be telling me what was going to happen to me when I die. I was told that girl was talked to, but she still insisted on telling me to go to church. My question to the principal was this: Why am I getting in trouble when I'm the one who's been being badgered about this for so long that I couldn't help but tell her to shut up? One word, my friends. Cussing. Bitch sealed the deal. I was in the wrong, and she had done nothing to me so why then should she get into trouble? I argued as long and as intelligently as I could. I brought up all the reasonable points. This is a public school, she's been doing this for a long time, this is clearly harrassment, I just got sick of listening to people telling me I'm doomed. They had no response but to say "You should have thought before you called her that name, because you're the one assaulting her now." Letcha roll that one over a bit... Ok, ready for more? We also have this program in our town called Campus Life. It's run by the Life Church, and gets people together to have fun with heavy religious overtones. Thing is, the program apparently wasn't going anywhere just staying with the church's operations. So, they have one of their youth preachers come to the schools to almost recruit people to come. If you're not confused, outraged, or just plain sickened by the fact that they let people COME IN to spread the stupid RELIGIOUS gospel, then you should probably never visit this site again. I'm one of those who doesn't like the church's little disciples coming to recruit more. One of the few, I should say. That's why this has kept going for so long. No one cares about this in a small town. It's what the majority does. The majority of the town likes Christ being their copilot, buddy, whatever the hell they think of him as, and they're not going to let some punk go off telling them to stop what they're doing, or at least take it somewhere else. I talked to a psychologist recently (now is when ten people reading this say "Ohhhhh, that's why she's such a bitch. She's a nutcase") and told her about it. I mentioned it casually, even. She was shocked. "But that's a public school!" she said. "I know. Everyone knows that. No one cares, though." Some people might think "Oh well these religious people probably don't have a christian (not gonna worry about capitalizing that, it's stupid to do so. it's just another word, now) school to go to." They do. They really do. And, most people would say that it's probably just expensive, but you have to realize the A-holes and the others control the town. They run all the businesses. Not some, not almost all, ALL. Even the Wal-Mart. So there's not really much reason other than overcrowding to keep these kids out of the christian school. They can all afford it. They're all mostly doctors and real estate agents, even. They've got a good cash flow! Even the real estate. There's new houses springing up all over the place. And they're not staying empty. So I think the reason they go to the public school is so they'll be with all the other kids. All the kids, hopefully all christians, god forbid I'll let my baby go to school with atheists. So, I guess what I'm getting at is unless tons of other diverse people are coming with you, don't move to Bluffton, Indiana. It's a bad deal.

Lonely, lonely iMac...

Don't worry, Mac... I still wuv you... I just don't get it. Why aren't there any computers that can use anything? Anything, meaning Microsoft, Apple, Linux, and Unix software. Why? I'm sure it would sell very well. Think of it: being able to use the word processing of a Windows and being able to use it easily like a Mac... Oh, and whatever the hell Linux and Unix do. I dunno about those... But still... I might sound like a hippie, y'know, "Hey, why can't we all just get along, man?" But I'm pretty sure there are other people wondering this. True, you can get a Windows emulator for a Mac, Virtual PC, but we Mac junkies are so used to things being easy and simple that we don't get it. It doesn't make sense to me, at least... But why not buy a computer that can do it all? We already have cell phones that can instant message, make actual phone calls, organize numbers, play video games, take pictures, and shoot videos. Why isn't the start of all that awesome technology keeping in step? I'd have to say I think it all boils down to the fact that Gates was started off by Jobs. (Jobs, hallowed be thy name O.O ) So is there a rivalry? Of course. Everyone knows that. But why the heck can't they just kinda, y'know... maybe... share? Hm... what's with all these black vans outside my house? And why do they all have satellite dishes on the roofs?... Oh. Wait. That's the Windows mafia. Gotta go!!! *runs like an idiot*

Due to technical difficulties, you may not go back into the world.

That's pretty much the message I get from the Blizzard site right now. To recap, I bought a game card for WoW. I also found the patch that I had deleted some time ago on my iPod... Yess, I'm forgetful. Because now I can put the patch, which wouldn't work on my lovely lovely iMac and I deleted from the Mac because I figured it would be a useless 454MB waste of space, onto the family laptop, which has WoW on it. I've updated the game. I've got a prepaid game card. I've got all the desire to go back to Azeroth. I just CAN'T GET MY ACCOUNT MANAGED. A bit frustrating. I've been waiting two months to go back... and in internet time that's like a year, so nyaah.

A brave venture

Alright, I've been trying to post my comics on this site. Bad idea. Takes forever. Kumoi suggested, though, that I look into Smack Jeeves, a webcomic hosting site. It's a great site, very friendly, FREE, and lets you have more than one webcomic. The only problem? The image size limit is 200kb. That is not good. Looking at the smallest drawing I have (not even a good one, either), I have only as small as 476kb. So, what's my plan? It's pathetic: post the comics panel-by-panel. This idea actually seems a bit logical, as sometimes readers' eyes get drawn to another, later panel when they look at a whole page. It's all about the emphasis of the colors on that panel that makes them automatically look at that one first. This panel-by-panel approach would solve that, BUT I'm still not sure how big they will be, even as single panels, once they've been colored. I suppose I'll just have to find out... Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it, big time.

KILL THE FANBOYS!!! (c'mon, FBI, i'm kidding!!)

If you've ever had a fanboy, you know what I'm so annoyed about. If you don't know what a fanboy is, this is it: someone who pretty much hits on you and doesn't really realize it. Just like any other guy who hits on you. Fanboy is just a collective term, but you really have to come up with a name for people who say "our children will be beautiful!!" online. But sometimes, you don't get the shameless flirty kind. Sometimes you get the shy, kind of cute in a weird way but still creepy kind. They don't really hit on you very openly, but they always do things like diss your boyfriend and brag about themselves. No moves towards you directly. So what the hell do you do? You tell him you don't like him? You don't know it for sure that he does. You stay away from him? He comes over to you. You hang around your boyfriend more often? He shoots him dirty looks that are so bad you almost think he's going to stab him in the back with his glare. You have your boyfriend hang around you if you have to be doing something that happens to be around fanboy? They get into fights, and even worse, fanboy's bigger than your boyfriend. That's when you call your crazy Japanese samurai friend. You tell him about fanboy's racist comments directed specifically to your Asian boyfriend, and he goes berzerk. You now have an ally. Now you feel better. But one problem: your friend is a bit far away. And even worse, your boyfriend just graduated from high school, so you won't have him around to fend off fanboy. Now, you feel like you're really on your own. It's a bit scary, since you don't know what fanboy's going to do next. The worst part of this whole situation is that you sort of feel bad for the fanboy. He doesn't have very many friends, and he has no chance with girls. Poor guy. You tell yourself "Why the hell am I feeling sorry for him?! He's an asshole!" Then you get that terrible thought, that awful reminder: last year, you considered dating him. You might get sick or whatever, but the real thing is that you're afraid those emotions might come back... You tell yourself again that he's a racist son-of-a-bitch, but you still worry. And you're worried to talk to your boyfriend about this, because he'll get insecure and jealous and whatnot. So now, you wait it out. You wait for summer to end and school to begin again. You sort of want to go back to school, just to see if you were right about your stupid emotions coming into play. Now, I have to wait it out. I guess that's what I'll do.

Alrighty then...

Alright, then. Let's say some stuff about me... Hm, okay, I live in Bluffton Indiana, I draw comics, and, um, I'm kinda annoyed with everyone at the moment. Not to sound emo or anything, but still. It's not very good for self-esteem or wellness when you work really hard on something and people look at it and don't say anything other than "that's good," or they don't really even look at it and tell you the same thing. It's also not good how your mentally-ill father starts to butter you up with presents and pats on the head (like when I was 5) the moment a divorce starts to go through. Now, please understand this, I'm not just some teenager complaining about everything for no reason. I actually have reasons to be pissed off. But enough about that. Lemme talk about my dad a bit. I mentioned that he was mentally ill, and by that I mean that he has bi-polar. For those of you who don't know what that is, or just don't know the exact definition of it, that means that the affected person has mood swings regularly, in my father's case. For my dad, this means going into a spending-spree-fuck-everyone-they-don't-want-me-to-have-fun mania in the spring, and falling into a I-love-my-daughters-wish-I'd-spent-more-time-with-them-but-I'm-too-depressed-to-do-anything depression. The hardest part is that his mania seemed like exuberent, lively behavior when I was a kid. It sickens me now to realize that's what I loved about him, and how much I hate it about him now. But I guess that's just my luck. My childhood was a bit of a facade, I suppose, and he might have only been there for us as kids because he was proud of having two daughters to show off. Oh, by the way, I have an older sister, three years ahead of me. She's in college now, but she's here for the summer now. She really hates him a lot more than me, but that might also be because of how the attention shifted from her to me when I was born. I don't know, but the fact of the matter is that my dad's a total fuckhead and not many people know it except for me, my mom, and my sister. So, there ya go, I guess.
Just realized something about these blogs I'm copying and pasting... I went backwards. Oh well.

The comic and lack of WoW

I've been working to get World of Warcraft to my house for about two months, but during that time, I've been drawing comics about the roleplaying that goes on. Given, they're not true... But they're getting better drawn. That's one of the important things, I suppose. Even if the storylines get a bit... off... But anyways, it's what I've been doing with my free time lately, since I don't want to bother with all the family crap. It seems to be a great way to forget about what's going on now, but sometimes I get a bit too into it, staying awake until 6:00 AM to finish a drawing. The trouble with me and the storylines is that I come up with ideas at the worst times. At work, when I'm supposed to sleep, and whenever else it's most inconvenient. Oh well. I have a bunch of drawings in my album if you'd like to see them. They might be hard to read until they're colored, though. My handwriting looks pretty bad. But that's that. I'm enjoying the storyline so far... the latest installments have gotten a bit depressing, I know, but you don't have to see those until you want to, I guess. They'll all be in the album soon enough. I hate scanning drawings in to the computer, since it takes forever and they're always huge. I haven't figured out how to compress them. Sorry. ^.^" I don't know why my comics always take a turn for the worst, but that's how stories stay interesting, I guess. No one's interested in reading about how things are going perfectly forever and ever. Life isn't like that, and stories aren't interesting like that. Oh well. Time for me to eat some more of my Italian wedding soup. :D


And no, that doesn't mean I'm getting married.

Coloring and comments

I don't know if I'll ever get the colored comics in my albums... The computer can send the black and white ones just fine, but I guess color is way too much data. But I should probably say something right now just so the people I play with on WoW don't start bitching at me: if you do or say something, for real, and it's offensive or embarrassing, I won't mention your name. If it's in one of my comics, it will be marked out. So, for this reason, FAQ will not be posted yet. I have to get to a higher connection speed so I can send that one in, since I'll color it while I'm at it marking out the names. Note this does NOT apply to those who do or say something that's just not nice, like Xzorn commenting about my character's shorts (which somehow had a better armor value than the ones I had before, which covered my character's legs completely). I'll talk about that all I want. So, those are the assurances I give you if you look at my page. And for some people, I will say this. I am NOT going to censor my comic on request. If you don't like the cussing, just don't look at it. That's what the mouse, keyboard, and monitor are all for. The Internet doesn't have an FCC, and it shouldn't. Stuff like porn, yes, that's nasty (keep your opinions to yourself on that matter), and that's exactly why I don't watch it, look for it, or stay at pages that advertise it. Or I just don't look at the banner ads. Ok? Not being mean. Just showing who's the boss.

**did this one on msn, which is pretty pissy about displaying drawings**

Racists... *huurgh*

This is out of the blue, but I've always wondered, even though I'm a plain, bland white person, how the hell do some people get around to hating a race?? I just don't get it. Was it a war? It happened and it's over with. Was it a criminal? Forget about him. I just don't see how pasty-white, sunburning, yellow-haired people can think it's just normal to poke fun at people who actually have some character. While we whiteys are ok, I guess, we kind of pale (no pun intended) in comparison to how other races look, at the very least. I mean, we're kind of the basic human being: basic proportions, basic color scheme, basic everything. But I guess somehow we have more of a herd instinct than others, since we're so bland. Other people must think we're like sheep, we all look the same, not much differences. Granted, we think all those people are insane and just not paying attention, but don't we usually do the same thing? The only thing we seem to notice different is hairstyle. Unless the other person is wearing something that stands out or has some very distinguishing feature that you would be able to see even if you were looking at them through a magnifying glass from twenty feet away, we usually don't notice any differences... This is quite an odd entry... Ah well. What I'm getting at is... WTF? It doesn't make any sense to me, it never will, and I probably won't listen to anyone who tries to convince me it's rational. ... Especially not anyone who says "The only good gook is a dead gook" while I'm dating a korean guy. That was really stupid. You'd think it would be one of those situations like telling a racist joke, then realizing the person you're telling it to is good friends with or in a relationship with someone of that group. But I guess that's just me.

A tough but necessary question

Do they consider it rape if the victim enjoyed it involuntarily? This is a good question that was brought up while I was talking to one of my friends, who will, of course, remain anonymous. This is how she described it. I see, um, I told him I just wanted to cuddle, and he insisted, so no he didn't comfort me atall. I also thought, when is the next time is someone gonna touch you, to myself, but I still didn't want it. Afterwards hedidn't even cuddle me, he got up and cuddled with . So nothing was accomplished, just more hatered towards men.
Alright. MSN Spaces suck for what I wanna do on the internet. Blah. So, let's try this place... I'll even copy and paste my other blog shit onto this page. I'm just that wonderful. (if you care lol) But hey, I don't care if I never even get anyone looking at this page. It's nice to have it out there. So... Have fun dealing with me virtually!!