9/06/2006

Alrighty then...

Alright, then. Let's say some stuff about me... Hm, okay, I live in Bluffton Indiana, I draw comics, and, um, I'm kinda annoyed with everyone at the moment. Not to sound emo or anything, but still. It's not very good for self-esteem or wellness when you work really hard on something and people look at it and don't say anything other than "that's good," or they don't really even look at it and tell you the same thing. It's also not good how your mentally-ill father starts to butter you up with presents and pats on the head (like when I was 5) the moment a divorce starts to go through. Now, please understand this, I'm not just some teenager complaining about everything for no reason. I actually have reasons to be pissed off. But enough about that. Lemme talk about my dad a bit. I mentioned that he was mentally ill, and by that I mean that he has bi-polar. For those of you who don't know what that is, or just don't know the exact definition of it, that means that the affected person has mood swings regularly, in my father's case. For my dad, this means going into a spending-spree-fuck-everyone-they-don't-want-me-to-have-fun mania in the spring, and falling into a I-love-my-daughters-wish-I'd-spent-more-time-with-them-but-I'm-too-depressed-to-do-anything depression. The hardest part is that his mania seemed like exuberent, lively behavior when I was a kid. It sickens me now to realize that's what I loved about him, and how much I hate it about him now. But I guess that's just my luck. My childhood was a bit of a facade, I suppose, and he might have only been there for us as kids because he was proud of having two daughters to show off. Oh, by the way, I have an older sister, three years ahead of me. She's in college now, but she's here for the summer now. She really hates him a lot more than me, but that might also be because of how the attention shifted from her to me when I was born. I don't know, but the fact of the matter is that my dad's a total fuckhead and not many people know it except for me, my mom, and my sister. So, there ya go, I guess.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh yes, i hate dad because he gave you more attention than me. i cant even remember if that was ever true, but if it was I WAS THREE FUCKING YEARS OLD. that's how three year olds act. they don't know anything about the world yet. actually i hate dad more than you do because i realize how much he's ruined our family, our finances, my trust in people, my patience, and our whole family dynamic.

Wulfie said...

getting over the surprise that someone actually READS the stuff i've written... sorry about that. i guess. but watch the home movies, it seemed that way to me AND mum. btw, don't ask her about that, she has enough shit to deal with anyways.